Thursday, May 5, 2011

Grandma Rainy's 10yr Passing

10 years ago yesterday my Grandma Rainy (Gram) passed away with her three sisters, I believe my Mom and most definitely my Dad, her one and only son and best friend, by her side. I remember it like it was today...

You see Gram and I had one of those unique bonds, a deep spiritual connection that only can be recognized and explained to people who have experienced like bonds with another living human being. My Dad had that same bond with Gram and I'm thankful for it because being able to talk to him about it has helped with the grieving process.

A week before my Grandma passed she was placed in the hospital, poked and prodded by I.V.'s that left her arms extremely bruised and sore. She also had an oxygen tube that left a small permanent indention on the thin skin of her beautiful face. I've been through a lot of death in my life but this was the first time I saw someone (my best friend) decline from her ol' chipper self to her final hour. Grandma had many visitors that week but when people were there I would disappear. I didn't know how to handle them saying good bye to Gram when she was still right there. When everyone left I would creep back around the corner and sit by her side, gazing into her eyes and conversing not through mouth but by brain and spirit. I stayed in the room by my Grams side in my own cot that the nurses would make for me every evening. Gram was at a point where she could not talk and she could barely move or show any emotion. One day, about two days before she passed she gave me a look that made me start asking her questions. I asked if this was it? Are you not going to be here much longer? How am I going to make it through life without you? You are my everything, you have saved my life time and time again... what happens next? With all her strength she squeezed my hand ever so gently, looked me in the eye (which sent a shock to my heart) and shed one tear. That was the first and only time I completely lost it in front of Gram while she was in the hospital. I curled up to her like I did when I was just a wee kiddo and cried myself to sleep.

Two days later her sisters finally all made it into town. When they entered the hospital I immediately left. I went over to my friends house who lived 5 minutes away from the hospital. I laid down in the couch, closed my eyes and quickly fell asleep as I was exhausted from not sleeping well at the hospital due to constantly watching to see if Gram was still breathing. My nap only lasted seconds. I was suddenly jolted out of my sleep. It was like I had a flash of lightening shoot straight through my body. I knew right then that Gram had died... and passed right through my body on the way to her final destination. I believe she waited until I was gone as she knew I wouldn't be okay with seeing her take her last breath. I will never forget that moment, that feeling, I will never forget my Grandma, I will always cherish the beauty and life she brought to this world, to me, to our family and to every single living being she encountered.

Rest in peace Gram. I think of you multiple times every day and I know you're listening! Thank you for visiting me in my dreams last night. We are still connected as ever!

The below photograph and self portrait was shot in Hulen Meadows in Ketchum, Idaho. One of my Grandma's greatest and most amazing accomplishments and developments. Just one more reason to look up to her. A woman ahead of her time, she was a leader and a competitor in this men driven world. Wow, did she accomplish a lot! Gram, I love you! 

1 comment:

  1. That is amazing Sac, thanks so much for sharing! It is comforting to know that strong bonds remain long after the physical has dissipated...